


John Laurens - An Interlude.

by idkspookystuff



Series: Trans!John 'Verse [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex is a sweetheart, Anxiety, Body Dysphoria, Coming Out, FTM, Gender Dysphoria, Group chat, Happy Ending, Happy Ending tho, Hickeys, I may have overtagged but I wanna make sure you know what you're getting into, Internalized Transphobia, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Recreational Drinking, Texting, Trans Character, Trans John, Trans John Laurens, casual transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 05:23:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9705200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkspookystuff/pseuds/idkspookystuff
Summary: John Laurens is - without a doubt - a man. He's known from the moment he was old enough to internalize his society's ideas of gender. The only issue is that no one, not his friends, parents, siblings, or - most importantly - his boyfriend Alexander, know it. But the truth has to come out eventually, and so does he. The only problem is, how?





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lokithegodofsass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokithegodofsass/gifts).



> i'm gonna take advantage of ao3's 5,000 character limit author's notes.
> 
> this is the first valentine's day i'm spending with my girlfriend, [josie](http://sarcasticonfetti.tumblr.com/). aside from being the best of wives and the best of women, she's my best friend. she's really hilarious, kind, loving and beautiful. she puts up with my shit all the time and somehow hasn't left my side now. i'd like to thank her for dealing with me and my obsession with writing and rewriting out rpg, my terrible, awful plots, and for always speaking too much. i'm a writer. we don't know how to talk less. i love you so much and i hope i show you that every day. <3
> 
> also a psa to anyone who reads this who isn't my amazing girlfriend -  
> as someone who is ftm transgender, i hope i did my little headcanon justice. i really hope i didn't offend anyone with what i think is a raw portrayal of the feelings associated with coming out. i nearly cried coming out to some people and it's one of the scariest things literally ever so i hope that came across as real and not offensive.
> 
> enjoy, y'all.
> 
>  
> 
> [-seb](http://theaterkidlester.tumblr.com/)

There were a few things that John Laurens knew without a doubt.

  1. His mother’s Southern comfort food could make any shitty day instantly better.
  2. Any movie was good in the soft glow of two in the morning with Alex cuddled into his side.
  3. Despite what doctors, his parents, whoever invented the planet he inhibited and his genitals said, he was a man.



John had known that he was a boy since he was growing up on his parent’s farm in South Carolina. Everyone there called him a tomboy, a girl that liked wearing overalls and playing in the mud with the other boys better than cooking and playing dress-up with the girls his age, but he knew it was something deeper. John longed to be like the boys who played in the mud, with their broad shoulders and short hair and deep voices. On his eighteenth birthday, in the soft glow of two in the morning that winds up being depressing without Alex pressed to his side, he made a promise. He was going to leave South Carolina and he was going to live the life of the man he had always been.

And so he left South Carolina, moved to New York, met Alexander, and immediately broke one half of his promise.

Alexander was the most beautiful person John had ever seen in his entire life. He was stunning and brilliant, quick-witted and funny, knew exactly what he wanted and he wasn’t afraid to take it, and for some reason John was what he wanted. John had meant to tell Alexander, he really had, but one date had turned to two had turned to three, and suddenly the two of them were in a long-term relationship. 

Alex was the best thing to ever happen to John. There was no way he was going to fuck it up.

“You need to cheer up, girl.” Angelica’s voice broke John out of his trance. The two of them had girls’ nights every once in awhile, and Angelica had recently called to let John know he was in for another one. Angelica had been one of John’s best friends since he came to New York, and if there was another who deserved to know, it was her.

Angelica passed a glass of something fruity and alcoholic to her friend, who accepted it with a gracious smile. “I can hear the gears turning in your head from halfway across the bar,” she continued, sliding into the stool next to her friend. “What’s up?” 

John took a deep breath. Then, before he could chicken out, he let out in one breath, “I’m a man.”

Angelica was silent for the most pregnant pause that John had ever felt. “ _ What _ ?” 

“I’m transgender,” John rushed to explain. Now that it was out in the open, he felt like everything was rushing around him. He could not believe that he had just done that. He had fucked up big time, this time. “It means-” 

Angelica held up a hand. “I know what it means.” She reached out for John’s hand, let her fingers trace over her knuckles. “Sweetheart,” she cooed. Finally, she pulled John into a hug. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” 

John let out a laugh wrapped up in a sob. “I-I didn’t think you’d accept me.” He felt stupid, now. Angelica was the biggest ally the LGBTQIA+ community had. In what universe would she not accept him?

Angelica pressed a gentle kiss to John’s neck and ran her hands through his hair. “Have you told Alex?” 

John felt his body go stiff at the mention of his boyfriend. Angelica, who seemed to notice everything about everyone with the maternal instinct of an older sister, shushed him. “It’s okay, you don’t have to right away.” She paused, likely to let the relief of this wash over him. Then, she spoke away. “But he deserves to know eventually.” 

“I know,” John answered. There were a million things he could have said, but somehow, he felt Angelica understood. “I know.” 

-

**Revolutionary Squad**

_ John has kicked Alexander from the group. _

**Hercules:** trouble in paradise????

**Lafayette:** oh boy.

**John:** i’mma add him back in a min, I need to say something

**Hercules:** laf did you piss laurens off???

**Lafayette:** non, I am her favorite.

**John:** *his

**Hercules:** what’s that supposed to mean

**John:** i’m not a girl

**John:** i’m a guy

**John:** just to clarify 

**Hercules:** shit dude!!! why didn’t u tell us????

**John:** idk

**John:** fear, i guess??

**Lafayette:** we love you no matter what <3 

**Hercules:** ditto

**Hercules:** did you tell a. ham?

**John:** no, i’m gonna tell him tonight

**Hercules:** do you have a name orrrrr

**John:** John?

**Hercules:** John Laurens

**Lafayette:** strong name

**Lafayette:** good luck, ami

**Hercules:** ditto. we here for you

**John:** thnx y’all

_ John has added Alex back to the conversation. _

-

John was in the kitchen when Alexander came home from work. He was preparing one of Alex’s favorites, a chicken pasta dish with fresh vegetables he had picked up in the market during his lunch break. He always got home before Alex and decided that if this was to be their last night together, he might as well make it memorable. 

John hadn’t even heard Alex walk in until there was an even pressure against his back. Alex pressed a gentle kiss to John’s neck, wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. “Hey,” he greeted. “Treating me?” 

John closed his eyes. He wanted to commit this feeling to his memory, just in case he never again got the chance to feel it. “Sure am.”

“Mm,” Alex chuckled softly. He backed up so that John could actually cook. “What did I do to deserve you?” 

The words had a different connotation in John’s mind. He squeezed his eyes shut momentarily to will himself not to cry. God, he was such a  _ girl _ . He laughed weakly. “Who knows?” 

If Alex could tell something was wrong, he said nothing. John made two plates and put them down on the table, poured the two of them a glass of wine. He went to sit down himself, but Alex stopped him.

“What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t pull the chair out for my girl?” he asked with a smirk.

_ My girl. _ The words went through John like a bullet. He smiled up at his boyfriend, brilliant, radiant, beautiful. “I’ve always known you to be a gentleman,” he replied weakly. 

Dinner went by rather uneventfully. They talked about nothing as they so often did, just enjoying being in each other’s company. The words lurked behind John’s skin like a timebomb, counting down to the time when he would detonate and destroy everything he had once held dear. 

John stood to gather their plates afterwards to buy some time to clear his head, but Alex beat him to it instead. “Sit, I’ll do it,” Alex insisted as he stood. He grabbed John’s plate and put it haphazardly in the sink. John was about to go help, but then Alex was behind him, trailing a line of hot, open-mouthed kisses against his skin.

“My poor girl,” Alex muttered in his ear. John’s eyes fluttered shut despite himself, his body well-trained to respond to this kind of affection. “On her feet all day.” He pressed a kiss just under John’s ear before whispering, “Let me give you a massage?” 

Alex pulled John’s hair gently from the ponytail it had been in when drawing, gathered it to one side so he could continue to kiss at his boyfriend’s neck. As much as John wanted to simply let Alex be, accept the massage that he was sure would be amazing and sensual, it wasn’t right to hide from him anymore. “Alex-”

Alex hummed against his skin. “Yeah?” 

“A-” the plea turned into a gasp as Alex nipped at his skin, smoothed it over with more open mouth kisses. “Alex, wait,” he said softly. Then, when Alex didn’t hear him, more firmly, “Alex. Stop.” 

Alex pulled back to look John over. He rubbed his arms gently, but stood back an amount so that John could actually breathe. He took a deep breath and then, before Alex could say anything, went, “I’m transgender.” 

To his credit, Alex didn’t stop rubbing his arms. “Like male to female or-” 

“Other way,” John answered softly. 

“Oh,” was Alex’s only answer for the new longest pause of John’s life. Then, he bit his lip. “How long have you known?” 

John cursed the fact that his boyfriend, ever a lawyer, was unreadable. “My whole life?” 

Alex said nothing for another long pause. Then, he sighed. “Oh, my  _ darling _ ,” he cooed, and John was at least grateful that he hadn’t yet been kicked out or called by his birth name. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

It was a bit of an intrusive question, but John figured that the shock of learning that your long-term girlfriend was your boyfriend was enough to let it slide. “I didn’t know how you’d react,” he answered. “Listen, you don’t have to pretend to want to be with me. I understand if you think I’m a freak or-or you don-” 

Alex cut off John’s worried ranting with a soft kiss to his lips. “Hush,” he whispered when he pulled back. “None of that.” He brushed John’s hair out of his face, brought the hand in his hair around to hook under his chin. “He/him pronouns?” 

John felt his heart leap in his chest as he nodded slowly. Alex smiled gently, pressed a kiss to his boyfriend’s lips before pulling away with a soft hum. “Do you have a name?” 

“John.” He felt his blood rush at finally being able to say it out loud. “John Laurens.” 

Alexander smiled. He rested his head against his boyfriend’s, tangled their hands together and laughed softly. “Nice to meet you, John Laurens,” he answered, “I’m Alexander.” 

**Author's Note:**

> follow me [on tumblr](http://theaterkidlester.tumblr.com/) if it strikes your fancy. as always, comments and kudos are appreciated. i respond to every comment so chuck it down there.
> 
> thanks.
> 
>  
> 
> [-seb](http://theaterkidlester.tumblr.com/)


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